Welcome kind friends of the Cyber Void
Blustery day again today with the threat of snow or should I rather say treat of snow. It seems funny that when it snows in NJ, it snows big but the country carries on as if it where a sunny day, while here in England, well it seems to close down the place, poor ole Blighty just doesn’t know how to handle this cold weather even though it barely leaves us until August and even then a coat should always been kept at the ready.
I struggle on what ever photograph choice days because there is so much I want to photograph and my mind goes spinning with ideas and concepts and story lines but as soon as I pick up a camera, my mind just jams up and turns into potato mode and so I though for this occasion I will keep it sweet and simple.
Nearly every morning when I wake up in New Jersey, the white walls in my room are decorated with rainbows and shards of light that bounce off my crystals and mirrors on my crowded window. I like whimsical things like that because I have barely anything else on my walls, I like my room to be a place to relax and I find putting up posters and stuff just plays with my mind. On my way out of my room is this little note, it was given to me a year ago and it still makes me smile because it was how it was given to me that made it special. This is the said note you see before you.
The reason why I was in New Jersey was because I was studying photography at a college in the North West region of the state. I believe myself to be a good but antisocial student, partly because I am shy and also because I believe work comes first and then friendships second, don’t get me wrong I am not snobbish, I just rather have true friends rather then a bunch of chickens that don’t have your back.
Now I support a charity called TWLOHA, To Write Love On Her Arms, a fantastic organisation helping those going through mental and dependency problems, I wear their bracelets and so do one or two of my friends for their own individual reasons. On one of the bracelets it says To Write Love On Her Arms and the other one says Love is the Movement, I always wear them, it makes me feel less alone with some of the things I have gone through and it is a way of educating others. I remember that my looks didn’t come top priority that day because it was early morning and I have no time for faffing with make up and hair products but I do refuse to wear pyjamas at college, that is just plain lazy and sends out the wrong message, I wish others would follow suit. I am no fashion icon, I will not be found on a cat walk or magazine for the top style or face of the century and I am comfortable with that fact, I do wish I could change some of my features to be more attractive and know what to do with my hair and have the courage to be sexy and the boobs to go with it, but I am me and I have my own style and I know how to dress for my body type.
So the note, that particular day is Forensic science day, a fascinating study and we are all crammed into this small science lab, my usual seat was taken by an intruder I shall call her because that was the perfect seat in my opinion, I don’t want to get all Big Bang Sheldon on why it was the perfect seat but it was. Due to my seat being stolen I had to find a new space in the corner of the room, I was alone there for a little while, which didn’t bother me because I was in a even more antisocial mood after having to deal with nonsense for the lesson before. Then this girl and her friend who I recognised from the class but didn’t know came and sat in the seats next to mine. The lesson started and all attention was on the whiteboard as gory pictures flashed before our eyes, then out of no where there was a tap on my shoulder and the girl next to me handed me a note, she must have seen my bracelet. “For you” she said and smiled, not in a sexual way but more as hi I am a friend smile. I opened it, read it and I had no idea what to say or do for a few moments, I have to admit I felt very awkward because she was still smiling at me and the class was still going on and I couldn’t just start talking to her while teacher is talking, so I quietly said thank you, smiled back and got back to my notes. I didn’t even know her name or why she did that kind gesture but those small words meant and still mean a lot to me that. I never got another opportunity to speak to her after that.
The silly thing about this was she was stunning, sicklingly so, rediculously so, naturally so, her hair was perfect, her make up was perfect, she had great fashion sense and a brain to go with it, and there was I dressed in my don’t talk to me emo clothes at the time, hair scrapped back and dark circles plaguing my eyes. She was one of these kind of girls that could make even the straightest girl want to kiss her and want to have her babies, her beautiful babies. She is one of these girls that if they where to appear in a movie, she would be serenaded by angels, a soft breeze would caress her immaculate curls, the sun would just gently caramelise her satin skin and wild life would clean her house as she sings, yes she was stupidly beautiful and yet she saw me, she didn’t know me, we have never spoken, I shield myself from the public and she reached out and made my day with that simple gesture. She wasn’t hitting on me, although to be honest I would be absolutely flattered if she was and would feel so awful to turn her down, oh sod it I could change for her, live a life of her impeccable sweetness and spend a life actually being girly. You may think maybe she was taking the mick but having seen her with other people in class, you could see what a genuinely warm and welcoming person she is. After the initial awkwardness, the class ended and she rushed off to her nursing lesson and me to my maths, a smile spread across my face, I could feel my cheeks blush and there was a spring in my step, she made me feel good about myself. The world works in funny ways, I needed a pick me up that day and she was this star sent to me