Day Seven – Silhouette

Evening all who are on the Void, another cold, cold day, but at least the sun did want to come and great us for a little bit today, just to prove that it is day time I suppose.

The sun was trying to inspire me on what to say for today’s ramble, and you know what, didn’t do much so I delved deeper into the soul to find something, and in the back of my mind in a dusty box there came this nonsense that you are greeted at this moment.

Silhouette is a ridicules but beautiful word, and for those who are also not going to win spelling bee of the year I feel your pain.   In short it is a blocking of the sun and the hiding of a subject in the detail of darkness. It seems ironic that people do the same action, they hide themselves in curtain drawn room and focus on the darkness of their lives while demons and banshees scream hatred into the consciousness.   It seems at times that no matter how hard you try, the light of the day just never reaches you, it is almost like it blatantly steers away from you.   It’s hard, and desperate people do desperate things to feel even the littlest ray of sunshine, so when it works they cling onto that action over and over again till that little ray is nothing but another shadow and the action is another monster to torment your dreams.

We all have our habits, our mantras, our double espressos, our bar of chocolate our cigarettes and so on to get us through the day, our guilty little un-secret secrets, it’s what goes on behind closed doors that the real day survival skills come out.  We all have a werewolf at the door, the thing that we want to run and hide from, I am no exception, I fight my monsters on a daily basis, some times they are soft cute monsters and other times they are big, dark and soul destroying monsters but I must go on because I refuse to let them stop me from living any more.   I have learned to except that life is messy because if it were a walk in the park, it would be, well, how to put it, simple but boring as hell.   Life is not your enemy and nor are the rays of sunshine, no matter how much you purposely block out all the light of the day, the sun will always reach you just like those close to you, you just have to ask.

Help is such a simple work, so why is it so embarrassing to say it? Does being judged for what you say bother you? Is being happy selfish? Do you worry you would be a considered a freak? Do you think no one will understand? Too many questions wiz round and round your head and in the end, are any of them of any worth? No.  You see sometimes that werewolf at your door is so big and so monstrous that it is almost impossible to just ask for help, but you have to really tell yourself, life IS important, it IS worth living, the sun WILL always rise the next day and when there is a cry for help an open arm WILL always be their, even in the strangest of places, never ever ever EVER give up, it will just bring undeserved pain to those who you leave behind.

I’ve been there, to the brink, I saw the impenetrable darkness and let it swallow me, I was alive but I was not living, and I hated everything of it, life, light, people but most of all me, I hated me, hated everything about me, I wanted nothing more to just disappear and never come back.   I did desperate things just to feel anything and dived off the brink too many times, but every time I dived, someone was always there, even when I didn’t want it, they where always there.  I learned who my true friends where, I learnt new ways of dealing with my problems and in no way shape or form has it been an easy ride, but it has been 100% worth every little baby step to leap and jump to where I am now.   I’m not cured, as I said my monster will always come for the ride but I know how to deal with him now.

On the other hand I am recalling the story of Icarus, a story of Grecian mythology.   Icarus’s father made a most beautiful set of feathered wings because he wanted his son to fly free like the heavens above.  One day he fastened these wings onto Icarus with the firm instructions do not fly too near the sun because the wings will melt and he would fall to his death.  For those who are a little clued up on Greek mythology you may already know the outcome, yep foolish young Icarus did not heed his fathers simple instruction and died because of it.  He let his pride get ahead of him and suffered the consequences, something sadly a few of us do the same.  They get too big headed, too big for their boots, forgetting that every action has a reaction, for a few they get lucky with it, they succeed and I applaud them, well done.  On the other hand there is also a down side for big boots, if you do not listen to advise from those who can help, you may as well just start flapping those unstable wings.

Life is meant for people to be with people, that’s why there are so many of us, we are all here for a reason, to listen to those who need an ear and to speak to those when you need one in return.   Our families are meant to drive us crazy but whenever I was in a hole, they dropped everything because it is what a family does.  Friends are different, you have the amazing menu of choosing them and although I have lost many and made a few in return, I have never regretted any of them because all of them at some point made me smile, made me laugh, made me feel welcome and most of all made me feel less like a silhouette.

So remember my friends, embrace the light of the sun even in the darkest of times because one day, things will get better but remember not to fly too high because you will get burnt and fall.  Never give up my friends, life is such a beautiful gift, embrace it from the smallest dust to the biggest ocean, the adventures are priceless even if you go no further than a sofa.

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