Day Twenty – Whatever

Good afternoon dear viewers, you find me all snuggled up on the sofa with some tea trying to find some warmth.  Today is just one of those blah days.  After three days of great weather it is somewhat of a mar to have what we have today, this isn’t weather, this is just plain miserable.

I some times wonder, wouldn’t it be so much better if we as a human race lived like butterflies, eat yourself silly without a care, go to sleep under the stars, spend the day looking and tasting wonderful sights and then get all snuggled up in a cocoon of silk for a long time and then when the sun comes out, you reappear, beautiful and free to sore with the birds and the dreams of dreamers.  Think of how much petrol you would save, the energy bills you wouldn’t have to pay for half a year, the pressure of the media to be so called perfect would be thrown out the window, life would be simple and who wouldn’t want to have the ability to fly.

_MG_6910s copyHowever, we are humans, and humans we will always be, cynical, moaning, back stabbing, greedy, loving, friendly, proactive humans.   So we stick to quotes about butterflies to find that sense of freedom.  But what would you do with that freedom anyway? If someone just said, go on, go do what ever you want, there are no laws, no money worries, no guilty feelings, just go be yourself and enjoy, would you know exactly where to start?, I suppose yes because, we all have a dream, well I hope you do.   You would probably do things like complete that bucket list, find the love you left behind, smile a lot more and care a lot less, take the unknown road and rediscover someone you wanted to be.

That is where you kind of find me at the moment, on that unknown road, I suppose it is also where I find you, because no one has that magic crystal ball that says this is what is waiting for you, it is a mistake or it is a blessing, so we just have to take good judgement, a deep breath, put on our big boots and start that walk.

My unknown road has left me indecisive, which is no surprise to those who know me because I swear at times, it could well be my middle name, but I now have the lucky fortune of having many roads, a whole spaghetti junction of options for the future and I have been left almost daunted by this prospect.  The future is good and worth venturing into but where the heck do I start? I have a wedding to sort out in another country, a dress to take care of, rings to pick out, flowers to munch over, people to invite, cakes to choose, but I can’t really go all gung ho into this because of the Visa, I don’t know when this will come through, maybe next month or the month after that or eighteen months in the future, it is a pain waiting for an unknown period of time.  So I am flapping with my hands in the air going “well, I don’t know”

!BOpcOLQ!2k~$(KGrHgoOKj!EjlLm,WqpBJvsmdYCYw~~_35My mother took me out this morning looking for wedding dresses and to be honest you will find a jar of curried ladybird do dahs quicker than finding a dress at this time of the year.   I just don’t understand it; people do get married all year round don’t they? As for the two shops we did find specializing in bridal wear, one of them you had to make an appointment for and the other was, pretty much bereft of anything other than Gypsy wedding calmed down with beads, bows, doves, cherubs and I wouldn’t be surprised to see a hat with a pineapple on it to be honest.  My tastes are simple because I don’t care; just nothing frilly or something like those dressed up loo roll holders of days gone by.   The bit I don’t get is having to make an appointment, um, why? I just want to look, I don’t expect you to pull out a four coarse meal or bring in circ du solia, to mesmerise me into picking the dress of my ultimate dreams and  hating it, because at the end of the day it is just a sodding dress, nothing more than a fancy smancy evening gown.  Silliness. (not my image)

indecisive-personBut that’s the world all over really, a little bit silly and a little bit indecisive but I like it that way because it makes it full of strange surprises.  Take for example, the pictures I used for today, I had no idea what to take, I just wondered round the house for a little while and thought ah ha that looks good and thus the picture was taken.  Why did I take them like I did? I don’t know, I just did, but today I starting thinking for something interesting to write about it, and nothing came, so I started writing and little bits of brain dust hovered around and said, “hey how about trying it from this angle” I looked at it and thought, that is a terrible idea, the dust came back and then pondered for a while “hmmmm, people might like to hear about that time you (fill in the blank” I just gave the dust a exasperated look, it got the message.   It is gone four in the afternoon and the dust reappeared from its thesaurus of cranium knowledge wearing a monocle and bow tie, it tapped me on the shoulder and said “my dear lady” (because I like to think I have classy brain dust “my dear lady, I feel you ramble at times, but when you do get to the point, you make a valid point in my opinion, how about telling those fine people what you see in those pictures and how they relate to now”.  I was just about to tell the dust it was a silly idea but realized it was onto something, so I bid him fine farewell and allowed him passage to the nearest theatre establishment for a night at the opera.

So the pictures, there is no link, there is not suppose to be one, but then you already know that, I would say it all comes down to decisions, and how they effect us and the world around us.  The first image is of a cactus, it sits on the kitchen windowsill and sometimes grows, it’s pretty to look but it has something you would not expect of it, fluff, it is a fluffy cactus.  As a child, I was always told  don’t touch because it will hurt you, and being the obedient child, I did as I was told.  Then one day I took my nerve and touched it and all those years of being misinformed, I had taken that silly step with big boots on and found out something new, knowledge no matter how big or small is always good, but children, always listen to your elders, they do unfortunately know best.

_MG_6915s copyThe second one is a pair of shoes I had as a child, you have already heard my shoe rant so I will not bore you with that again, but I will tell you about what they represent to me now.   These Jumping Jacks possibly helped me to take those first steps and although I do not remember that time, I am still astounded by how much the world opens up to you, how many adventures are to be had to chair height instead of sweeping across the floor, like an oversized caterpillar.   Baby steps, turn into tottering, then onto walking, skipping, jumping, falling over and getting back up again, just like we do in our real lives as a grown up.  Big decisions are made into that indecisive dark wood, so it is no surprise that the majority of us are wary and choose those baby steps to begin, and although you may and will fall, it is important to always get back on your toddling feet again, never give up because life is not judged by how many leaps you make but how many times you pick yourself up and dust yourself down.

I can think of no more to say, my brain is at the opera enjoying some Carmen or something to that effect, so happy tottering my friends and I will see you tomorrow for another fine day.